The Pride I had in Breastfeeding and How I Finally Broke it by Supplementing
Moving past the pride I developed in my breastfeeding experience, by accepting that my daughter needed more than I could give her, and relying on formula to satisfy her needs.
Breastfeeding my first baby was incredibly difficult in those first few weeks. Honestly, without the help of a lactation consultant, I don’t think we would have lasted more than two weeks. However, after we got in a groove, we kind of crushed it. It was hard, and took dedication, but after our first bump in the road, we didn’t have any issues and made it 18 months.
Since I felt so successful the first time around, I assumed things would be easy with baby number two. While things have actually been going pretty well, at Nora’s four month well baby check-up, the pediatrician noted that her growth trajectory fell off a bit. While she wasn’t underweight by any means, the ped wanted to ensure that she was getting enough to eat. We came up with a plan that included starting solids at five months and called it good.
At this point, Nora had been struggling with sleep at night, kind of out of the blue. We sleep trained her about a month before, and she had done so well, and usually only woke up once throughout the night to eat. Things changed a couple weeks later, and she started waking up two to three times a night, starting only a couple hours after falling asleep for the night. Now, I was never expecting her to sleep through the night at five months old, but this did seem odd and excessive. So, a couple nights after we started solids, Nora seemed like she may have been still hungry after nursing before bed, so we gave her a bottle with a couple extra ounces of breastmilk, and she wolfed it down. Honestly, I was stunned, because she never “complained” about not eating enough. She always seemed satisfied and happy after nursing at night. We did this for a couple more nights, and Nora responded very positively to it. She went back to only waking up once a night and was sleeping more soundly.
Motherhood is about looking past yourself, and focusing on the needs of your child. This meant that I had to walk away from the perfection of exclusively breastfeeding Nora, but she didn’t judge me or even care. She just wanted to feel full.
While this was an absolute win, I just didn’t have the breastmilk stash to be able to continually feed her a bottle every night. That was when I had to seriously think about supplementing with formula. While I never judged others for supplementing or formula feeding, I was hesitant. There was part of me that was in a slight denial about being able to provide for my child independently – after all, I was able to do it for Everett for a year and a half. It was the pride I formed by my first breastfeeding experience. I was privileged to be able to nourish his body with mine. I was privileged to seek and receive help from a professional. I was privileged that I had the support of a loving husband, family and friends. Because of that privilege, I became prideful in my experience with both children. Luckily, my love and care for my child outweighed my pride and I was able to move past it.
After deciding to supplement one bottle of formula a night, after nursing, I began to research the products that were out there. I eventually settled on Happy Baby Organic Stage 1 formula. It’s modeled after breastmilk, and the reviews that I came across stated that their babies were able to stomach it well and didn’t have major issues with gas.
I was hardly able to sleep that first night, worried that Nora would struggle with trapped gas, but she was a champ! Since then, Nora has thrived. She’s fallen asleep faster and easier. She’s slept better and longer. She’s happier when she wakes up. And, she seems as though she’s growing at a pace that reflected earlier growth. While there was hesitancy, I’m so glad that we made the choice to begin supplementing Nora’s regular breastmilk diet.
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